Apparently 1 in 10 men have paid for sex, I know I have...Before you call the the police, or even worse my mother allow me to clarify. We were in Prague for a long weekend and on the Sunday had arranged to play Pub Golf - hence the ridiculous garments.
For those of you unfamiliar with the game taken from the rules of Golf, each drink has a par which you must try to keep under. So for examples a pint of beer is a par 3 and an alcopop is a par 2. The name of the game is to down each drink in as few attempts as possible, with the winner the individual that consumes their sum beverages in the lowest number of swigs.
As you may know the British do not have a great reputation abroad. In days of empire we simply tried to seize foreign land and possessions for our own. Now days we are graceful enough to let them keep their country as long as we can urinate and vomit all over it when we visit.
In light of this it is understandable that the Pragayan locals had some preconceptions when 10 British Gentleman dressed like bastards entered their bar. There is no doubt that my friends and I are idiots, but battling against the stereotype we are actually all pretty decent people. As soon as the locals realised that we had no desire to rape and pillage, them warmed to us, slightly.
A good time was being had by all, aided by the vast alcohol intake demanded by the game. However, as it was a Sunday the bars were to close early. The majority of my friends called it a night, but four of us vowed to persevere and jumped into a taxi in search of pastures new.
The taxi driver didn't speak English and at this point in the night neither did we so communication was a problem. Our attempt to explain that we were in pursuit of an open public house was further impeded my one of my friends who when drunk appears to suffer from some form of tourettes and was shouting out profanities.
Against the odds our heroic driver had seemed to come up trumps as he dropped us off at a bar which still had its light on. We approached the bouncer at the door and informed him of our desire to enter. He ushered us to a colleague issuing tickets who in broken English said, 'Beer & Sex' 50 Krona's'. I thanked him for his kind offer, but explained that we were only interested in the beer. He repeated 'Beer and Sex 50 Krona's'.
Very well I thought, I will just pay the good fellow 50 Krona's for each of us and simply not partake in any of the 'sex' that was inclusive in the package. As chief negotiator my friends behind me were oblivious to what was going on as we walked into the adjoining room.
The room was circular in shape, but was more notable for the many prostitutes that lined it's circumference. All sitting on bar stools there must have been about 15 ladies, all differing in body size and race to cater to the sexual desires of a variety of clientele.
Apart for the barman we were the only other people in there and we were feeling very awkward. We were becoming increasingly aware of how ridiculous we looked and none of us wanted to engage in intercourse with these ladies.
We huddled closely for strength in numbers. 'What do we do' I asked, to which one of my friends replied 'Act natural'. Act natural, we were in a whore house, dressed in 'hilarious' golf gear and this idiot wanted us to act natural.
Still it was the best idea we had, so trying to look cool casual we strolled over to the bar and ordered four beers. We chatted amongst us, football, cars, boobs you know the usual stuff, while the prostitutes looked on in utter bemusement.
They whispered to each other and you could tell they were thinking, who are these morons and why have they just paid their equivalent of a months wages NOT to have sex with us?
The executive decision was to order one more round of beer, as to leave after just one would portray the perception that we were uncomfortable. We drank that, quickly, dothed our caps to the ladies and thanked the barman for his service.
So to surmise, I have never slept with a prostitute, but technically I have paid for sex and should a future wife make me take the Trisha lie detector test I would fail.
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