Recent Moments of Idiocy

Some short Snippets for those worried that I might actually have grown up and matured...

Do you believe in Dejavu?

A recent Thursday a workmate and I decided that it was a lovely sunny day and that a quick pint after work would allow us to capitalise on these fine conditions.

Seven hours later I was to end up in the basement of some bar. Memories are vague but I had met a young lady and knowing that time was getting on I asked for her number so that we could meet again. She promptly explained that she had given me her number 5 minutes ago and proceeded to go through my phone book to point this out to me. She was not impressed and based on this reaction I felt that perhaps it was best that I did not get in touch after all.

London Can be Expensive

It was Friday night but I had planned to head straight to my parents home for the weekend after work. A colleague suggested we just head out for a quick pint, a few other people were going and a quick drink couldn't hurt.

So I grabbed my stuff and headed along. After getting drawn into a complicated round system I had drunk more than was on the original agenda and was up for a proper night out. Luckily so were my colleagues. I had no idea that we would still be out at 9:00 am the following morning.

It was inevitable on this horrendous impromptu binge that I would at some point lose my bag and sure enough the following morning/afternoon when I woke it was nowhere to be seen. I turned detective and checked my trouser pockets for where we had gone. My hand was stamped with the letters 'P.T.T.N' the same letters were to be found on a flyer in my pocket. Worse was to follow, having read the flyer properly it transpired that 'P.T.T.N' stood for Penetration, a bar in Farringdon that is only open from 5:00 am to 11:00 am.

My desire to retrieve my property somewhat diminished on this revelation. So on top of the £200 night I had funded with my credit card I had also lost approximately £150 in personal possessions.

I wouldn't have minded so much but I had only lost my last gym bag the other month.

A Warm Round of Applause

Early Monday morning at work a few female colleagues were berating me for shaving my head, saying that I looked much better sporting a slightly longer fuzzy look. In a guarded defence I stated that it was good enough for a young lady to want to take me back to her place that weekend.

Background: It was general knowledge that I had previously gone through a six month 'drought' and on hearing this news the colleagues in my team broke into rapturous applause. The applause was infectious and within seconds all 80 members of staff in the open plan office were clapping like crazy, oblivious to the reason for doing so.

At the very same second my manager comes walking into the office and as I work in sales naturally assumes that I had just closed a major deal. His face filled with excitement as he asked what all the commotion was about. I was too red and embarrassed to answer, but luckily the colleague sat next to me quickly chimed in with, 'Cornford got laid this weekend'. 'Oh', said my manager, 'oh'...